Nicole
she/her/hers
This blog is a little of everything and a lot of inconsistency. I am Queen of the Queue and over-tag everything, so don't be afraid to ask me to tag something for you. I am planning a hobbit hole and you should talk to me about your dream house. Also Tamora Pierce. And The Posterchildren. As well as anything that's weighing you down (I am nearly guaranteed to be on your side).
Profile picture courtesy of Raya

 

How ‘Slut Shaming’ Has Been Written Into School Dress Codes Across The Country

Last month, a New Jersey middle school banned girls from wearing strapless dresses to prom. Administrators claimed that the dresses were “distracting” — though they refused to specify exactly how or why. Parents reacted strongly to the rule; some supported the dress code while others deemed it “slut-shaming.” On Friday, the school compromised by allowing girls to wear single-strap or see-through-strap dresses.

This is no isolated incident in the United States. Across the country, young girls are being told what not to wear because it might be a “distraction” for boys, or because adults decide it makes them look “inappropriate.” At its core, every incident has a common thread: Putting the onus on young women to prevent from being ogled or objectified, instead of teaching those responsible to learn to respect a woman’s body. Here are five other recent examples:

1. A middle school in California banned tight pants. At the beginning of last month, a middle school in Northern California began telling girls to avoid wearing pants that are “too tight” because it “distracts the boys.” At a mandatory assembly for just the female students, the middle school girls were told that they’re no longer allowed to wear leggings or yoga pants. “We didn’t think it was fair how we have all these restrictions on our clothing while boys didn’t have to sit through [the assembly] at all,” one student told local press. Some parents also complained, leading the school’s assistant principal to record a voicemail explaining the new policy. “The guiding principle in all dress codes is that the manner in which students dress does not become a distraction in the learning environment,” the message said.

2. A high school principal in Minnesota emailed parents to ask them to cover up their daughters. A principal in Minnetonka, MN recently wrote an email telling parents to stop letting their daughters wear leggings or yoga pants to school. He says the tight-fitting pants are fine with longer shirts but, when worn with a shorter top, a girl’s “backside” can be “too closely defined.” The big risk of having a defined backside, he thinks, is that it can “be highly distracting for other students.”

3. Two girls in Ohio were turned away from their prom for being “improperly dressed.” Laneisha Williams and Nyasia Mitchell were barred from prom this spring for wearing dresses that administrators considered “too revealing.” The girls say that they didn’t believe they were violating a dress code that said dresses couldn’t be too short or show too much cleavage. But one administrator told local news that the high school girls were only allowed to wear dresses that had “no curvature of their breasts showing.”

4. A kindergarten student in Georgia was forced to change her “short” skirt because it was a “distraction to other students.” It’s hard to imagine that a kindergartener’s outfit could be “a distraction to other students,” but a mother in Georgia told locals news there that her daughter had been outfitted in someone else’s pants — without parental permission — after the principal deemed the skirt the young girl was wearing too short.” The girl had apparently wore the skirt, and accompanying leggings, just one week before without incident.

5. Forty high school girls were sent home from a winter dance in California after “degrading” clothing inspections “bordering on sexual harassment.” A school board member’s daughter was among the 40 girls turned away from Capistrano Valley High’s February dance for wearing dresses that either exposed their midriffs or were cut too low. Before the dance, girls were apparently required to flap their arms up and down and turn around for male administrators’ inspection. The school issues image guidelines for appropriate dress on its website — though the images were nearly all of women, and the only male image depicted proper attire. One girl alleges that the principal told her, “Not all dresses look good on certain body shapes.” A grandmother of one of the girls who was turned away from the dance also said that a teacher remarked about her granddaughter, “What mother would allow her daughter to wear a dress like that?” Apparently the school did receive some praise, though, from the parents of two male students.

When most Americans think about “rape culture,” they may think about the Steubenville boys’ defense arguing that an unconscious girl consented to her sexual assault because she “didn’t say no,” the school administrators who choose to protect their star athletes over those boys’ rape victims, or the bullying that led multiple victims of sexual assault to take their own lives. While those incidences of victim-blaming are certainly symptoms of a deeply-rooted rape culture in this country, they’re not the only examples of this dynamic at play. Rape culture is also evident in the attitudes that lead school administrators to treat young girls’ bodies as inherently “distracting” to the boys who simply can’t control themselves. That approach to gender roles simply encourages our youth to assume that sexual crimes must have something to do with women’s “suggestive” clothes or behavior, rather than teaching them that every individual is responsible for respecting others’ bodily autonomy.

(Source: ejacutastic)

rufflebutts:

shoutout to all the other ex-gifted & talented/honor student/straight a/senior editor/star student/99th percentile/once-creative burn-outs who have, since high school, realized they are truly miniscule fish in a giant, endless ocean, criticized themselves to the point of creative paralysis, and participated in so much self-sabotage they no longer see the point of doing anything at all because they’re just going to ruin it for themselves anyway

:)

this one’s for you

themindislimitless:

adelene-dawner:

michaelblume:

shlevy:

its-boo-nedict:

ichidou:

spookyconfessional:

youarelookingatthis:

jolivet:

youblowuponesun:

jolivet:

holmes-sweet-holmes:

urbancatfitters:

do u guys understand how creepy the pledge of allegiance is though like every day when ur a kid everybody just chants how great america is every morning it’s creepy

You do that every morning???

EVERY MORNING.

wait

wait

is this a real thing i thought that was just in the simpsons

no son

Wait, other countries don’t do this.

I remember in my grade school and junior high if you didn’t say it you got in trouble smfh

it really wasn’t until i was out of school that it occurred to me how BIZARRE the whole thing was

hahahahaha indoctrination PATRIOTISM

My favorite part is that the guy who wrote it worked for a flag company and did it as part of a campaign to sell more flags.

My favorite part is that we added “under God” in the 50s as a deliberate swipe at the communists, and if you suggest to anyone that it might be time to change it back, they’ll scream at you about upholding our traditions

Hey look, an opportunity to tell my awesome pledge of allegiance story:

So in the school system I was in through the 11th grade, saying the pledge was optional - it was still broadcast every morning, and we had to stand and be respectful and I think the hand-over-heart bit was required, but actually saying the words wasn’t, and the split was about 2/3 of the kids saying it to 1/3 not. I was in the latter group.

Then we moved from Pennsylvania to New Jersey the summer between 11th and 12th grade, and in the new school system, it was required. There was an option to get out of it if you had a note that it was against your religion, but the handbook made it pretty clear that you did need a note, and that there would be repercussions if you tried to skip it without one.

Well. I’d already made my decision about whether I wanted to say the pledge, and threatening me into doing things I don’t want to do has never actually worked, so. I stood respectfully, I put my hand over my heart, and I did not say the pledge.

Nobody called me on it, but the kids nearest the corner of the room where my desk was certainly noticed, and then noticed that nothing happened to me, and apparently decided that if the unpopular newbie fat chick could get away with breaking the rule, damned if they were going to follow it.

And over the course of that year, I got to watch the not-saying-the-pledge expand in a wave across the room, until the last few people in the far corner from my desk rebelled against their neighbors, and respectfully intoned the pledge at double volume, and eventually gave up with that and started yelling it sarcastically.

Which was all entirely amusing, but the bit that makes it an awesome pledge story instead of just a funny one is considering the difference between my original school and the new one: In the original school, the portion of pledge-sayers was more or less stable, and saying the pledge happened, and nobody made a joke out of it. In the new school, they tried to force it, and it only took one person stepping out of line for the whole thing to shatter.

Aww yess my turn.

I thought the pledge was stupid and while I used to get up for it the first year I was here I pretty much went “eh” and stopped doing that too pretty much since the start of my sophomore year. People noticed, no one really cared— by which I man that my teachers never said anything, they just went “eh” and usually by the end of the school year my class would end up having less pople who said the pledge in that same circle ripple-effect thing.

Then in my sear year…dear goodness. So my teacher was this super patriotic white guy, and the first day I didn’t get up he just kept giving me all these looks like hey aren’t you gonna get up  and I knew he was doing that so I looked out the window and pretended not to see him. He sent me down to the office. Or more specifically, as I was leaving the room he was picking up the phone and fifteen minutes later I was called down to the office to the VP.

Who insists that I say the pledge, it’s in The Rules, and (I asked, “what if I just don’t?”) threatened to suspend me. Pfft. Well, I wasn’t having that, so I went to look up this supposed rule. Didn’t find it. Found a series of Supreme Count cases where the school forced the student to say the pledge, they took it to court, and the student won. So I printed them out, and went back to the VP. He was all hissy and all “if you wanna then take it up with the principal I’m not handing this I already told you my decision”

(This is why me and my VP never got along, he’s a bit of an arrogant asshole who won’t back down when he’s been proven wrong)

Getting an appointment with the principal takes a bit, so in between I was talking to my old history teacher, who also teaches law, and she goes “huh” and goes to look up this supposed law and finds out that told old law (like, from two decades ago) said that students must stand up and say the pledge, but then it was declared unconstitutional and they took it out of the books. But because it was such a small thing it wasn’t really broadcasted and no one wanted to print out new books (they’re huge) for this tiny change, and when they were reprinted later with other stuff no one noticed. So she prints both versions out for me, and sends it my way.

The Principal, when I see him, has the old version, realized I did research he didn’t, stammers this “I will show the District Attorney and get back to you” thing, then tells me later that I have permission to not stand and say the pledge as long as I get parental permission in the form of a signed letter. And by that point I was like lol sure whatever, so I write this latter and it’s all matter-of-fact and show my mother for signing, but she knows the story and the school system makes her annoyed so she writes out this super passive-aggressive letter and signs it while I’d standing there giggling and that’s what I took to the Principal.

Also made him write out a thing saying that the book is wrong and there is no rule that students have to stand and that I don’t have to say the pledge and it’s under a copy of my mother’s letter and I have it as one of my proudest moments.

I am grade 12 student who has just recently graduated. You might call me accomplished, and in a way, I am, but not in the way you’d think. 12 years of pouring over text books and being lined up to be judged in front of my peers has not made me any more intelligent. I can tell you the first 45 digits of Pi and I can explain to you the difference between an acid and a base, I can recite the Pythagorean Theorem in my sleep, I will recite lines out of a textbook like they are a religion. But I cannot tell you the value of security, or of kindness. The distinct contrast between personal health and personal gain. I can tell you in grade 10 four of my classmates attempted to take their own lives before finals. I can tell you our counsellors office is always booked. I can tell you how when I didn’t understand something in AP Chemistry my teacher asked me to leave if I could not participate in his class. I merely asked him to explain a question. Instead of doing his job and teaching, he told me to leave. Told me I was not good enough to be there. Mistakes are viewed as failure in these hallways. A wrong answer is a sin you must atone to, not a human error, but a flaw so grand it defines your entire life course. There is no “average” here. We all must exceed expectations. Do your parents know that a grade that is considered average is a “C”? When I got a C in fourth grade my parents grounded me for a month. They said I was lazy and stupid and incompetent and that I’d better smarten up and stop fooling around. I never fooled around. I am driven by a deep need to impress others. I never fool around. I worked and worked and worked, with a deep hollow of anxiety in my chest. I have never been good at History, but I worked and worked and I attained at best a low B. It was not good enough. It is not said but we are expected to put our education before our personal health. It is not asked of us, but it is what we must do to achieve what we are asked to achieve. Our teachers will tell you, “Oh, I only give them one hour of homework each night.” Which is essentially true, each of my five teachers only gives me one to two hours of homework each night. Hmm, that adds up to 5-10 hours of homework, and overdue classwork, and projects. Say goodbye to sleep, say goodbye to feeling calm. I’ve developed a deep rooted anxiety disorder due to school and perfectionistic tendencies. Even when you get 100 percent on an assignment they still criticise you, it is never good enough. One slip, and you are in deep deep trouble. I can tell you that 90 percent of us try our hardest, and our teachers and parents stand in the sidelines, screaming, “You can do better than that!”

Why I say our education system is flawed (via perfect-delusions)

Well yeah, g***y is a slur, but how else is Disney supposed to explain what Esmeralda is? Nobody knows what g***ies call themselves. If you say to a kid, ‘oh, it’s a g***y,’ they’ll know what you’re talking about. It’s just the way things are.

Sophomore English major

(via shitrichcollegekidssay)

Ok, this is a true story. I’m teaching the book Holes right now. One of the characters (Madame Zeroni) is referred to as a Gy*sy in the book a few times. 

So I took a moment to comment on how that’s a really outdated and not good way to refer to Romani people.

I had a student who was confused. Because they didn’t know that Romani were real people. They honestly believed that “Gy*sies* were fictional like witches or wizards. 

I literally had to tell a child that Romani are REAL PEOPLE. 

Yeah. Those stereotypical portrayals of Romani do have real affects on people. 

(via fandomsandfeminism)

literaryghoul:

unless your teachers are abusive assholes there is no fucking reason to disrespect them

they are literally trying their hardest to get you an education

teachers have every right to complain about rude students or the amount of papers they have to grade because their salary is low as shit

oh wow, your math teacher yelled at you because you were ignoring the lesson and talking to your friend

i wonder why

jesus christ teachers have it hard enough dont be an asshole

Also, be able to identify abusive assholes. They don’t just exist in other people’s stories.

(Source: chatotai)

vvebkinz:

vvebkinz:

WAIT CAN PEOPLE SEE THE NAMES OF THE FILES YOU SEND THEM VIA EMAIL

APPARENTLY YOU CAN AND I JUST EMAILED MY TEACHER AN ESSAY LABELED FUCK THIS ASSIGNMENT WHY DIDNT I KNOW THIS BEFORE IM FLEEING THE COUNTRY

emilianadarling:

One day last semester I was on the bus heading to class and I was like ‘fuck class started ten minutes ago I’m going to be late again.

And then I looked down and realized that my professor was in the seat in front of me editing his powerpoints for the class that we were both supposed to be in.

image

sexybritishllama:

sexybritishllama:

so there’s this board in our school showing a bunch of amazing answers people actually gave in exams. its like a hall of shame

A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ASKING TO SEE SOME MORE OF THESE SO HERE YOU GO

sexybritishllama:

sexybritishllama:

so there’s this board in our school showing a bunch of amazing answers people actually gave in exams. its like a hall of shame

A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ASKING TO SEE SOME MORE OF THESE SO HERE YOU GO

image

image

image

cultureisnotacostume:

theuppitynegras:

geejayeff:

jellyroll22:

marsofbrooklyn:

blessedbeyoundmeasure15:

geejayeff:

He told the Tribune that throwing away the students’ lunches could have been easily prevented, but did not say it was a mistake.

"If students were humiliated and upset," Olsen said. "that’s very unfortunate and not what we wanted to happen." (link)

What the hell is wrong with people??? You are going to deny a child food…really???

That Louise gif is appropriate.

People out there seriously do not care about others. No one with any sort of heart or conscience can look at a child and literally take food out of their mouths. WTF? Who does that? You’re gonna see a child go hungry over a few dollars? Dude, if they can’t afford to pay you, likely they’re having trouble feeding those same kids. The school lunch might be the only meal they get.

Some people have no souls.

And to throw good food away when there are hungry kids right in front of you!!! How do you even stand there talking about “it’s not a mistake.” Like he doesn’t even fathom the fuckery of the situation. It’s absolutely a mistake, asshole. A mistake that you were born without an ounce of compassion or decency.

YOU THREW IT AWAY! WHY NOT LET THEM KEEP IT! WHAT THE FUCK!

There was absolutely no reason to throw it away other than to humiliate these kids. They took the kid’s food and said “you can’t pay for that” and then THREW IT IN THE TRASH. It’s not like the school was gonna get that food back, it had already been made and the money to make it was spent, why not let the kids eat and send a not home saying that the parents owe money???

-Allyssa

drunktrophywife:

the-alice-of-hearts:

So Claremore High School just posted this status. My AUTISTIC little brother was on the team last year and he loved it. Honestly some days it was the only reason that he went to school. He has problems with social interactions and this was the one time that he could feel happy. Well this year Claremore High School told my mom that because they changed the robotics teacher the team was gone. Well apparently that was a lie. My mother has given me permission to share this and I want it to go viral. My brother is a sweet boy and he really just wants to be accepted, but school has become a war for him. PLEASE help this go viral. 
ALL year they have locked my AUTISTIC brother out of the special education rooms. It was written into his IEP that he was ALWAYS supposed to have a room to go to when he started to have a panic attack. Well they locked him out once again. PLEASE PLEASE share this and do what you can to make this viral. Do anything you can to make the school have to do something to fix this. My little brother should be allowed to go to school and feel safe. Well his OWN special education teachers this year aren’t even helping this. 

Going against an IEP is a criminal offense you could press charges/sue them for this honestly

drunktrophywife:

the-alice-of-hearts:

So Claremore High School just posted this status. My AUTISTIC little brother was on the team last year and he loved it. Honestly some days it was the only reason that he went to school. He has problems with social interactions and this was the one time that he could feel happy. Well this year Claremore High School told my mom that because they changed the robotics teacher the team was gone. Well apparently that was a lie. My mother has given me permission to share this and I want it to go viral. My brother is a sweet boy and he really just wants to be accepted, but school has become a war for him. PLEASE help this go viral. 

ALL year they have locked my AUTISTIC brother out of the special education rooms. It was written into his IEP that he was ALWAYS supposed to have a room to go to when he started to have a panic attack. Well they locked him out once again. PLEASE PLEASE share this and do what you can to make this viral. Do anything you can to make the school have to do something to fix this. My little brother should be allowed to go to school and feel safe. Well his OWN special education teachers this year aren’t even helping this. 

Going against an IEP is a criminal offense you could press charges/sue them for this honestly

foradayofsky:

mitbix:

sunspotflares:

howthehellnow:

crowmygod:

melvismd:

iamalsohere:

ectoripper:

katydidnot:

dear internet, let me tell you some things about my public-school-in-georgia sex education.

pictured above is my abstinence til marriage card, given to me in my eighth grade health class. as you can see, i did not sign it, so it is non-binding. they were “optional” but the teacher placed the basket at the front of the class and stared us down. my 13-year-old self had a very brief dilemma between 1. making a stand and not getting one or 2. getting one because it’s fucking hilarious. i am very glad i chose the latter, because as i predicted, this is now something hilarious to show everyone.

that year in health we also learned “how to spot the identifying features of a crack baby” which is literally nothing but lies. we had a system of anonymous questions, and once someone asked “how do i know if i’m a lesbian?” our teacher looked disgusted and she replied “how would i know? i’m not a lesbian!”

EDIT i forgot to mention when she gave these to us she suggested we “cut up our cards together with our husbands on our wedding day” and i remember thinking, fuck if i marry someone from my middle school

the next time i had sex ed in high school it was taught by a dude gym coach who spent the whole time talking about his daughters. the book we were learning from listed “low self-esteem” “stunted social growth” and “depression,” among others, as consequences of premarital sex. at one point, it asked us to fill in the disadvantages of having an abortion. our teacher went, “well, i’m personally against abortion, so we’re just going to skip this section,” which confused me, because it was explicitly asking for an argument against abortion.

the last time i had sex ed it was pretty good and there were free condoms and we got little bottles of lube every time we answered questions, but i don’t think that counts cause it was in an intro to women’s studies class.

in my 8th grade health class we watched this video about abstinence and the slogan was “a condom can’t protect your heart”

Our school made us watch a video with some man talking about how virginity was like a flower and that whenever we had sex with someone we’d give a bit of that flower away. Then when we met someone we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with we’d just be left with a wilted stem and a couple of petals when we should be giving them a whole flower.

I really wish I was joking.

In church they used to tell us that we were like cupcakes and if we were physically intimate with our partners it was like getting the icing licked off, and therefore no one would want you afterwards because no one wants a licked cupcake. 

in my sex ed class we did this demonstration where they had this line of kids swish and spit out water and combine the nasty backwash to make this gross concoction as a metaphor for how sex before marriage makes you dirty and gross

fucking public education

I might as well add my church group.  We had to open a kiss candy, put it in our mouth, melt it a little bit and then put it back in the wrapper.  From their we had to hand it someone else and they explained, “this is what happens when you have sex before marriage.  You have to give those dirty leftovers to your spouse.”

In my grade 8 “sex ed” class we all listened to the song “I dreamed a dream” from Les Mis and then the teacher was like THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU HAVE SEX and I really kind of wanted to do it just to see if I really would become a 19th century French prostitute with a beautiful singing voice

Every time I hear stories like these, I think what the fuck kind of a sex education did you American kids get omfg.

When I had sex ed a woman from Planned Parenthood came in and there were 13 of us in the class (I had a small gym class freshman year) and she said, “How many people in this class have breasts?” and only the girls raised their hands and then she looked at the boys and said, “Oh, really? So you don’t have breasts?” because obviously yeah all humans have breast.

Then she showed us how to use condoms and had one of the boys come up and squirt spermicide onto a paper towel to show the proper way to use the plunger or whatever.

This was in the 90s. And I kind of cannot believe what bullshit we are putting today’s teenagers through. I’m seriously tempted to start an informal afterschool sex-ed class when my kid gets to middle school.